Are O.P.P.'s Ruining Your Life?
Other People’s Perspectives
do not have to define your sense of self!
“I hate everyone’s current focus on ‘I am’ statements.” the pleasant woman on the other side of my computer screen declares as we begin the last few moments of our ‘chat’.
“It’s so annoying.”
I’m honestly a bit confused by the passion she is expressing. Our coffee-chat has been pretty tame to this point. LinkedIn link-ups are still pretty new to me, but I love getting to know people. And talking about hypnosis is probably my favorite thing.
(Did you already know I offer a 15-minute coffee-chat to those curious about hypnosis?)
“I don’t get why everyone cares what I say after those two little words.” her shoulders bounce up, momentarily as she begins to blush.
Ahhhhh, is she feeling judged? Has she recognized something in how she finishes that sentence that makes her question herself and her place in the world?
If so, she isn’t alone!
It is actually funny how often I hear people questioning the current therapeutic trend of focusing on “I am...” statements.
Perhaps it’s time to let you all in on a little secret...
Once upon a time we were very little people.
Some might remember being children of differing ages, but if you go back even further, you will realize, you were once even younger than that. Going back to when you were even smaller, even younger, you will begin to realize there was a time when you were hearing, “you are”, so often, it became genuinely confusing.
From before we have a grasp on speech, we are bombarded with all the loving “you are” statements people can come up with. A truly rare time in our lives, when we hear those loving statements more than at any other time. “You are so cute. You are so sweet. You are so loved. You are perfect!” As an infant (if all was normal and healthy in your upbringing) you were most likely peppered by every adult with an avalanche of loving descriptions of yourself.
Imagine any cooing, baby-talking adult hovering over any newborn, and you know what I mean.
When you are too small to be recognized as ‘the mirror they didn’t know they needed’, “you are” statements are full of love and admiration.
“Twinkle twinkle our little star. We love you exactly as you are.”
As you grow into a more misunderstood reflection (becoming a representation of their internal perceptions) they change their tune, unfairly. As that “perfect child” simply grows into the body that it was born into and its brain develops into something more than a sponge, somehow, the adults around it change just as dramatically. They change the tone and meaning of their, “you are”statements that they continuously shower on the unsuspecting, developing, formerly ’perfect’ little life.
Very little of it will ever have anything to do with you. From an early age, your brain accepts that truth. Therefore, it attempts to reject, “you are” statements, no matter what they are. No matter who is saying them, they are rejected. Even when they are true. Even when they are loving. Even when they are the only thing you crave to hear.
In the beginning this can look like an argumentative child, no matter their age. The longer it continues to fester, it can become a need to justify and prove. Eventually, it explodes into a complete disassociation from one’s truest spark of individuality, the feeling of any knowing, “I AM!”
From unattainable extremes into unrecognized accusations, “you are” statements have always been, and will forever be, motivated from other people’s insecurities. It just gets worse when society’s less loving voices replace your family’s.
“You are”statements are never fun to hear when the one saying them hasn’t figured out who they are authentically, yet.
This is what discounts presonality-defining descriptions most share.
No, I know that’s not right.
“But, who am I, really?”
In truth, the first example of overly loving, “you are” statements are as unwarranted and, some could argue, as unmerited as the less supportive examples we’ve all spent lifetimes trying to get over. But that is not the point I am making, here and now. Both the good and bad things that have ever been said, especially during our youngest and most developing stages, have technically had more to do with the other person saying them than the brain who accepts it into the database of their entire existence.
Because that is what happens. Our subconscious minds are long running tape recorders of every lived experience we ever have. They record, transcribe, then assign meaning and importance to everything.
If you are ready to shed your weight and drop the masks from all the times your brain heard, “you are,” and internally screamed, no - I’m not! #YouAreNotAlone
Stop apologizing for how they have always misunderstood you. Stop worrying if anyone will ever get you or understand your truth. I am here to promise you, none of that matters when you truly know, accept, and love, your most authentic self.
If you really want to know why “I am” statements make you as uncomfortable as they do, it is rooted in all the times you heard “you are” and felt the need to argue or justify how wrong they are about you. Stop allowing other people’s misperceptions and limiting beliefs to determine the boundaries of your existence.
The heart of your authenticity beats freely from finishing your own “I am” statements comfortably and confidently.
