Surviving Narcissistic Abuse: Rosey's Beginning

“My best-friend told me to thank my mom for her letter. Before I shared it with her, she couldn’t understand why I accepted, even excused, narcissistic abuse the way I always have.”

Rosey was clearly uncomfortable talking about this. I could tell by the way she was shifting in her chair and fussing with her laptop screen, dramatically changing my zoom-view each time.

“Is that better?” She masked her own discomfort as concern for my experience.

“Everything is fine.” I assured. “Settle in comfortably.” I took in a slow inhalation, hoping she would follow my lead.

I exhaled even slower, extending it for as long as I could.

A gentle smile grew in my heart for the anxious woman in a dimly lit living-room somewhere on the other side of the country. Rosey was the perfect name for this strawberry-blonde with sun-kissed skin still fussing on the other side of my computer screen. She had been referred to me by a past client.

“Maxine said you were the one to help me with this.” Her stillest moment yet. Eyes momentarily unblinking. “She told me you can make it all make sense?” The screen suddenly aimed straight at the ceiling as I heard ice clinking in a glass I couldn’t see.

“Well, I’m not magic...” hoping the screen would reframe the lovely, and completely terrified, potential client. “I can help you harness the stress in your life. I can empower you to understand your thinking and emotions, even why you might maintain behavior patterns you cannot comfortably change on your own. No matter how badly you want to.”

Another long, deep inhalation with an even longer exhale...

“I can make the pain of your past disappear and connect you with the joys you are building for yourself in your future. If you want...”

“Yes, please. That’s exactly what I want.” Her computer stopped moving. We discussed for the next half hour how good it would feel, after. To have her own sense of self again. To know that she is absolutely worthy of love. That she is absolutely capable of being loved.

Can you imagine it? ...how it would feel, to slow down for just a moment and recognize it is okay to love yourself? 

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